"For old times, and new times.. Cheers!"

It has been almost five months since the last time we saw each other. Almost five months of tears. That meeting would become one of the most cherished in my life, as five days later, my life would crumble. He is somebody else's. I made him my world.

I've been through a lot in life, if I may say, but the next days would prove to be so difficult and depressing that I had to talk to my sister about it (meaning, i had to come out to her) and even thought of getting professional help. I couldn't help but sometimes I bogged down even at work. I had to be resilient as I could and had to rely on very good friends for support. Fortunately for me, they were all there when I needed them.

Old Times..

I met him on June 27, 2002. A wonderful person. Mysterious, exciting and charming. I immediately fell for him. A date soon followed with more. Those dates were no ordinary dates for me. They were all memorable moments; I savor every minute of those. He was so good to me, giving moral support when I needed them, space when I have to have them (though I feel that they were a bit long), and inspiration which helped me with my licensure. During those times, I learned a lot from him - about life, about everything else (and he knows what those were!).

Unknown to him, I had begun to notice some pattern and lapses especially sometime after the first year. He would just keep in touch every two weeks (and right on time!). Also, there were times when I would overhear him saying "I love you.." on the phone. But I just ignored them although things kept brewing in my head.

I have learned to love him so much that I would do anything for him. I have learned how to transform lousy things into great things. He would be my world for the time to come, my family, my life.

Although I didn't know what level our relationship was at, those almost two years of going out with him was one of the best thing that happened to my life.

New Times..

But as the rundown cliché goes, good things never last. Though so distraught I had been, I had learned to realize and accept that we can only be friends and no more than that. I told him that I "would not knowingly allow myself to be a 'concubine' or a 'trick on the side'" for him.

We kept communicating, through e-mails and YMs. We even planned to see each other in one way or another but something would always come up on his side or at my end and the plans wouldn't materialize.

And eventually, yesterday, we saw each other again. It was an awkward moment but we both know we missed each other so much. I had a lot of things to tell him but didn't have the courage to do so. I knew that if I did, it would just ruin the whole thing. He was just not the type to dwell on sentimental things, considering our situation.

While at the cottage, I saw things and I heard things that just killed me. I knew he noticed those instances but he would just find ways of going around them.

Sometime along the way, I just felt weird. I felt guilt, anger. But I was helpless against my longing for him, my love for him. I relented.

And he offered a toast, "For old times, and new times. Cheers!".

I don't want to think what he meant by it. I returned the toast. I AM SCARED.

A working day in Collingwood

Woke up to a chilly morning. Eight degrees for a summer morning! Well, fall's not supposed to come until September 22. Strange weather this year, really.

While at work, Ms Ma called and asked how my day was going.. "Hun, my DECADE is doing just fine". Three prescriptions in 10 hours. That's just less than a third of a prescription in an hour! And considering that tomorrow is Sunday, I can only wish that it'll be a little bit more busy (maybe four prescriptions in 7 hours). Now, I really feel bad being paid for doing nothing. [sigh]

Working in Dani's pharmacy is like being in a theater stage, complete with the props and a full house, with the low dispensary partition. Everybody, including 5 Scoobie Doos and a ready-to-hug-you-Tasmanian Devil, can see everything you do (even as I make this blog! Fascinating, eh?). Meaning, there's no chance to slouch, not an opportunity to sit like a queen. You will feel like deductions are being given for every lousy move. You have to be poised, poised and poised (now my back's hurting!). Oh well, thanks to Dr Scholl for taking care of my legs and feet.

An hour and a half more to go as I write this blog. Same amount of time that I'll spend my time looking eye-to-eye with the Tasmanian Devil (with the devilish smile..) and not to mention the Scoobie Doo clones.

Blah, blah..

A very lazy day for me. I have a long list of things-to-do today but here I am, in a lotus-position in front of my computer, thinking so hard of how to start my blog.

I discovered weblogs not too long ago while I was looking for updates on the Tour de France. A number of links directed me to Lance and George's blogs. I thought they were cool and wished that I can also document my day to day activities. But I just didn't know how to start.

A couple of days ago, I happened to have a YM chat with Donnell, the ' mr suave' blockmate from my university days. He gave me the link to his blog, and along with it the blogger.com site. I never thought that it was that easy to set up one. Thanks a lot, Don! I owe you some nice homemade pili rolls!

Oh well, I need to start my day now.

Go, Silverfish!